Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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