I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
