You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
