i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
