I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
