6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize