I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
