i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
