ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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