Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize