he was CRYING into my vagina
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
