My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
