I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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