Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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