So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
