a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize