how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
