Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
