the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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