she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
