That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
