Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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