Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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