yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
