We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
