we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
