Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
