he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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