best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
