Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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