i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
