Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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