im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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