the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want her autograph on my taint
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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