I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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