you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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