fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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