dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
