Soap is not a condiment
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
