if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
