Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
