haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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