My first STD was from a foam party
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
