If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
