well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't notice because vodka
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize