thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
