everyone is single if you try hard enough
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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