he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
