I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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