Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
