i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
