Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
