Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
