Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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