It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize