I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
