how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
