I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
