He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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