I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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