I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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