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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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