Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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