If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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