how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
