I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize