So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
