she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
