How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
