we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
