Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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