Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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