plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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