you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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