If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
