He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
