Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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