Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
