But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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