I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
