I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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