There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize