Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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