a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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