i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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