if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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