There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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