I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
