What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
