There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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