I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize