Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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