I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cockslap morals
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
