i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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