He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
