if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
