I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
