you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
