Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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