My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
