Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The best revenge is premature balding
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
