Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
