Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pants are for mortals
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
