Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
