Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
