I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
