How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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