at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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