I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
