I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
