Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
