omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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